Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
