I heard we made out
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
