dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
