i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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