my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
