He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
BRING THE BAGELS
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
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