I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
