so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
