you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
