i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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