Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
