I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
