I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Even the bartender felt bad for me
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Randomize
