Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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