What did we do last night that was yellow?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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