i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
