I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
