I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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