I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
