the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
