So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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