Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
