his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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