I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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