Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
this hospital has no fireball
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
