I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
