1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
