he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
