I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
