I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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