I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
