She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
