Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
