Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
