Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
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