just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
There are leaves in my underwear?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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