so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
