I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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