no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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