I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
