Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Randomize
