I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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