i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
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