I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
