just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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