matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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