It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
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