physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
