Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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