Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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