I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
