she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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